Synesthesia.

Torch Song by Me.

2009-09-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

And when comes the night...
I always feel desperated, sad, ceptic...
I wonder why.
Why do I have to be the Hunted, and my feelings the Hunters?
Why does it take over me?
Can't I be happy fo once,
Without the other half of the brain keep telling, pushing, pressing me to feel things I don't?
Things from the past? Things I want to get the hell out of it right now?
Can't you be here, next to me once and for all?
At least I was talking to someone,
Instead of writting this stupid text.
This useless, senseless note, that I might regret it later, like I regret being born?
yeah, maybe you could, If you wanted.
But you don't.
You don't.
I regret it.
I regret my life.
I wanted to choose other path. But you weren't the angel that lighted me.
I had a bad angel. Fix it.
Happy now? I hope so.
You did it. You made me regret life,
Like some other punk-ass would do.
Congrats.

Where Did Love Go ? [Chapter I]

2009-08-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know my storys can be a little repetitive , hahah xD Anyways, Like i said before:

Do Note:

All the caracters in this fiction are pure fiction.
This was not based in any facts.
Hope you enjoy it. :)
Sincerly,
SynesthesiaM.

Where Did Love Go? [Chapter I]

January, 10th 2013

Tomorrow is my photoshoot. It's always exciting each time I do it, because my best friend, Allex can go!
He is the lead vocals for the band 'Sins Trough Your Hands', and he isn't always available to be with me, but when there's a photoshoot, he's there!
But this time is different. He's a model too. It's a Tarina Tarantino's session, one of the most well-known designers.
I don't know how neither when, but i became a well-known model. Wherever I go, I'm recognized. I didn't even know models were so famous!
Allex's girlfriend, Chelsea is also a model. She's one of my best friends.
In three days it's my birthday, and in two days it's the photoshoot!
I'm really nervous, I love Allex, and he knows it.
My girlfriend, Holly went to see her family in Portugal. I tought.

January, 11th

It's comming closer. Everything is a mess now...
Me and Allex arranged metting at Starbucks. And so we did.
I asked for a cappucino and he asked for a bottle of watter.-The music here is always great.- I exclaimed, giving him my hand, like i was supporting, but to see if he talked a little more. Failed.
-It is.- He agreeded, raising my hand to his lips, giving a kiss.
I ran my hand trough his face, gently. He knew how much I loved him.
-I gotta tell you something. - he said, looking worried.
-Shoot it- I played.
-I know you like me... - I blushed like crazy. - Yes, It's true- I agreeded.
He inclined and gave me a kiss. I interrupted soon as I returned to my head. - Are you nuts? Imagine if Chelsea sees us! - i exclaimed, i was still thinking why did he gave me that kiss.
-I don't wanna know. Let's go. - He said, getting up. I followed him.

January 12th

It was today!!
The photoshoot was today, at 2pm.
It will be weird. If i already felt attracted to him, imagine only when i finished doing it!
Tarina had changed her style : Now just a few clothes but she also uses sexuality!
Yeah, that's right. I had to be there, touching in my best friend's private parts, and he would be touching mines! It would be awkward and weird.
While we were taking photos, were talking and combine a few things.
We talk, most of all, about our relationship, and the fact that he wants to go on and ask me officially to date him.
-But you don't have reason enough to break up with Chels. - I said.
-I do. I'll tell her i found someone else.
-I still think that's not reason enough, specially when i'm one of her best friends.
-You're right... I gotta think better.
The photoshoot's over. Allex gave me a ride home...

Domestic Violence [Chapter II]

2009-07-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

Domestic Violence [Chapter II]

The studio had one floor with little compartiments where they could keep the instruments. We hide ourselves there. It was a big, empty, dark and cold room that nobody used.
Fortunately, Davey had the key of their compartiment in the pocket.
It was so tight, we decided to sit on the floor.
We were in silence until we heard Jade - They are not here, nobody is! Davey didn't come up today, and Jade i don't know! I haven't seen her for centurys!
When they left the room, I wispered - Jadey's awesome! - He agreed, whispering as well. At the beginning I noticed that he got a little jealous, but it passed. Jade made Sandy leave the building.
- Can I tell you one thing, without ruin our friendship? - He whispered, hugging me tighly.
-Nothing in this world could ruin our friendship. - I said, turning me back, giving him a kiss in the cheek.
- I am attracted to you ... But was afraid that it could ruin- I covered his mouth, gently.
-I don't know what to do, I don't want to mess with Britt. She is one of my best friends ...
-I was going to break up with her anyways. - He said.
Our friendship had more than one color. The floor was dirty, we couldn't see it, because it was dark, but we could feel. We made love.
We left, quietly, to see if Sandy wasn't there anymore.
Soon we entered in the studio, I ran for Jade, thanking him.
-It's your turn to record Davey. - Hunter said.
Jade sat down with me on the couch, while Davey was recording. Jade knew how Davey hated when he wispered to me.
-I know he hates I whisper to you -Jade said, giving Dave a dirty look, laughing.
I couldn't stop laughing.
- Do you want to tell me what are those bruisers in your face?
-Is nothing ... - I answered, looking down. The smile was gone.
- Sandy hit you, didn't she? - He said, giving a hug to comfort me.
I Hugged him back. - She didn't hit me because I didn't give her a chance.
-And you did well. - he said, smilling.
Davey finished recording.
-Hey! What's going on here? - He asked, grabbing my hand, pulling me away from Jade.
-Nothing, I was telling what happened with the bruisers on my face.
- Okay, no problem. - He said with a smile.
I skept to the window. Sandy was still down there, in front of her car.
-Who wants to do me a favor? - I asked. -Who wants to go get my things at the car?
- Why don't you go?- Jade asked.
-Because Sandy is down there?
- I'll go! -Adam said.
-Okay, bring me the bag that is in the back seat with my clothes and my hand bag please.- I asked, giving him the key.
I Observed. Sandy was suspicious. She didn't know the registration of my car.
Adam arrived with my stuff. -Thank you, where is the toilet? -I asked.
-Downstairs, I'll take you there.-Davey said. It was down there, I was scared, I didn't want Sandy to see me.
We got into the toilet. Everyone was shocked, because they saw a men entering the girls toilet. I changed my clothes.
I looked inside my bag, to see if there was make-up, or something to remove it.
I found the contact lenses.
-Contact lenses!- He exclaimed. - You are a genius!
I released a high laugh. -No I'm not,I just use it from time to time .- I said still laughing my ass off.
I was changed. We got upstairs. It was time to go home. Sandy was still there.
- Do you think we can sleep here? You know, very thighly ... - Dave said in a joking tone.
-I think it's a good idea, I said, turning and giving him a kiss. - But I am hungry ... Where can we eat ?
-There is a little bar downstairs ...- We left quietly.
Reached it, there was nothing good. Davey made a tea ... His specialty ... We got upstairs ...
We spent the night there.
In the next day morning, they came really slow ...
- Sandy still down there. - Hunter exclaimed still half asleep.
-I know ... - I said in a disappointed tone.
-I had an idea! - Adam exclaimed, waking everyone. - Why don't we call the police and say she is here waiting waiting to beat you?
-The cops wouldn't believe me.
-Why not? I had another idea! - Jade exclaimed. - Let's say she beated Jade, and say she wanted to attack us, and we put a process and an injunction.
- Now that is a good idea! - Hunter said, laughing.
We called the police. Two weeks later was the judgment.
In the same week, Davey brooke up with Britt.
Sandy was in jail for three years ...
She was left with revenge feelings, and after those three years ...

Domestic Violence [Chapter I]

2009-07-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

Note:

All the caracters in this fiction are pure fiction.

This was not based in any facts.

The only parts that are truth, are that i like my best friend, and our manager was making her way to my girlfriend, so I had to fire her.

Hope you enjoy it. :)

Sincerly,

SynesthesiaM.

Domestic Violence. [ Chapter I]

Easter Holidays ...
I came home from college.
There was plenty to do, so I met Mariana, to combine to rehearse and record.
Our cd was almost ready, and now all we had to do were collaborations and record.
Combined with our manager, Michelle, to go to my place to tell me what was going on.
Sandy went to see family in Canada, and so would come back in a week. I thought.
Usually I do a lot of noise with the gate and the doors, but that day, didn't.
Surprisingly Michelle had not yet appeared, but I ignored.
Went up to my room to change clothes.
Once I openned the door, Sandy and Michelle was rolled in the sheet.
Would be expected. Skip to my wardrobe as if it weren't nothing to me,
I took the clothes I wanted to wear, a pair of pajamas and a change.
-Where do you think you're going? - Asks Sandy, dressing up.
-I will spend the night the house of some friends. I also have rights. - I answered her, as calmly as possible.
I put contact lenses in the bag and ran to the entrance, jumping around as if it weren't nothing with me.
I was getting the keys, she pushed me into the wall grabbing me with all the strength in the face and said:
-You're not going anywhere, you hear? -I Pulled her away, got the keys, and I told her
- I don't belong to anyone! - And I left, running into my car.
Once I arrived,I locked the doors and got the Sidekick.
Starting with the car while I was waiting to get an answer.
-Hey kiddo! - Said a sweet voice on the other side. The smile grew me, even though not having any reasons to smile.
-Hey Bunny. Sorry to call you at this time but are you in the studio? - I asked, so quickly, that didn't give him a chance to ask whatever.
-Yes, why? Are You okay? - He answered. I noticed the concern in his voice.
-Not really, I can go there? - I was about to cry, and he had realized that.
-What is going onn? - He stressed. -of course you can come up here.
I stopped the signal. I noticed that a car equal to the Sandy was chasing me.
I turned the glass to see better, and saw it was her.
The signal opened, and I cut with high speed, because I wanted to get rid of her. I turned off the phone without thanking him.
I did it. I arrived to the studio, and she was no longer following me.
I hurried to met Dave.
I Was already the middle of the stairs, when I hear a shrill voice:
-You cannot be here! - Was the receptionist.
- I came here because I need to talk to Davey. - I said, going up two steps, I turned to her.
She was with three steps of difference of me.
-If someone asks, I wasn't here, i never were, and Davey is not here too, and he didn't come today.
Suddenly I feel someone to hugging me tightly. I felt his hot breath, when he gave me a kiss on the shoulder.
-Do what she says.- Said that sweet voice that i heard ealier on the phone.
She went downstairs, and sat on the desk.
I turned around and I hugged him tightly, like he did before.
-I missed you! - I said.
-I missed you too. -He said, grabbing my hand and dragging me upstairs.
The studio walls were sound proof. Soon I entered ...
-Hey Dudette! - (Dudette is the feminine of dude.) Jade said, giving me a big hug, making me drop Dave's hand.
- Hii Jadeyy! - I replied.
Then I greeted everyone.
-What do you have in the face? - Jade noticed. They were all looking at me.
That was no falling thing.
-It isn't nothing, I must have fallen ...- I said, quieting them all, despite they knowing what really happened.
Jade did a signal to Dave with the hand, he wanted to talk to him later.
-Do you want to tell me what happened? - Davey said with a serious face.
That man couldn't make a serious face.It was incredible. We sat on the couch, while they were composing.
-Is nothing ... I just wanted to come see you. -I said, laying my head in his legs.
-Don't lie to me. Wanna go for a coffee?
-Sure. - We got up. When we were about to leave, we heard someone downstairs making a scandal. We observed, and it was Sandy. She screamed:
-I know she is here!
-I've said I don't know about who are you talking about! - the receptionist answered.
Jade came out to see what was happening. Suddenly she began to run upstairs and we began too.

Best Friend.

2009-07-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

My Daddy is my best friend.

I'm proud of him.
He's my world, and without his help i would be in serious troubles.
I must thanks him for being my inspiration for four years now.
He likes bunnies. So i call him Bunny. It's cute.

Describe him by the person he his and not by what he seems? Sure.
He's nice. (it doesn't look like at first sight.)
He's cute.
He is quiet.

He is funny.
He's an inspiration to tons of people.
He's a singer.
He has an angelic voice.
He's a role model.
He's an actor.
He's true.
He's lovely.
He's the perfect best friend.
He has a huge heart.
He always tries his best, in everything.
He's gorgeous.
He has many tattos.
He has big arms.
He has good taste.
He IS fashion.
Last but not least,
He's my Bunny, my BFFL and He owns my heart.
Once I had a big crush on him.
So huge, i almost killed myself.
I cut, I cry, I hurt. Not anymore.

He has a lover.
She's also my best friend.
I have a life now and I must thank them.
So, thanks for keeping me alive!
And I will love you, Endlessly.

This Girl I Know....

2009-07-13T12:01:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone!
So, I just met a girl, and she wants to be 'Emo'.
I told her i could help her with the culture - No problem.
I made her a few questions, and i told her that 'Emo' persons wear loads of eyeliner.
Guess what, she doesn't even know what eyeliner is.
I told her what it was and everything ok.
Then i told her that Punks and Goths would make fun of her, and she said she didn't know what Punk was! Oh My Gosh. Anyways.
And then i asked her if she liked AFI, she answered yes, and now my question is, how can she listen to AFI and don't know what Punk is?
So, i put on wikipedia, and showed her what Punk was.
Hahahaha! Oh My Gosh.
Alexa also asked what music she used to hear, and she said Kizomba (that is an african music style). So we thought it would be 'Kizemo'. It's a word, made out by us, and it's what describes her, here are my calcules : african hair + black tight clothes + screams + kizomba music = kizemo.
Then she asked to Alexa if she could be Bisexual, and we were like 'wtf? xD'
She didn't even know what bissexuality was.

RIP Michael Jackson!

2009-06-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

The ones that go...
Now we have to cry for the ones who stay.
We have to look out for each other and take care of them.
It's worthless to fight for the bad reasons,
Fight the natural causes like Death,
Or for the wrong persons.
The ones who stay cannot and won't replace the ones
Are gone, but they, at least can fix it.
Like a broken heart and glue.
I don't have more tears to cry...
I gave mines to my friend,
And now there aren't any for you...
I hope you can understand how sad it is,
And how sad i am,
But you're in a better place now.
It was given to you a better world, a better Place, and you have to be thankfull.
You have to thankfull, you're a ledgend now.
You were the King, You ARE the King!
And now you're in our hearts, and will always be.

RIP MICHAEL JACKSON,
YOU'RE IN A BETTER PLACE!
YOU'RE ALWAYS IN OUR HEARTS!

Near Dear (Bunny)

2009-06-24T05:15:00.000-07:00

Why Can’t you hear when i’m calling?

Why can’t you be near me, when i need the most ?

At least you can understand me.

I can’t ask for more, when we are miles and miles away.

You are my hero.

I need your hug to keep me alive.

It’s not worth to fight for something we can’t have.

But that’s not true. I fought to deserve your trust, now i have your trust.

Not completly, but i have a part of it.

That’s enough for me.It’s enough, when i can, at least have the privilege to know you.

I feel like cry now.

I feel like cry because you’re not here.

I feel like cry because you’re not even near.

Because you’re not around when i need the most.

I need to feel my lips touching your pale face,

I need to feel your breathing on my cold neck.

Distance keeps pulling me out.

I won’t let you down.

I’ll fight the distance like i fought to deserve your trust.

We’ll be together soon.I promise.

“Can you forgive me again?I don’t know what i said, but i didn’t mean to hurt you”

You’re my night sky, and i’m just a little star.

Very far away from you.

You’re my best friend.

You’re my role model.

I can’t imagine my life without you anymore.
I need you to survive, and that’s that,

Bunny.

I miss him =(

I miss her =(

They're my everything. <3

TH Stalkers. :(

2009-05-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hi!

Sorry being so away, i haven't had patience, i'm sorry. I know i'm rude.Sorry for being so direct, and honest.

I got the notice that Tokio Hotel are being followed. =( That's super sad.

My friend did a note to all the stalkers, it's in portuguese, but go to the translater. =)

"TH STALKERS
WTF??Mas elas n vêm o qe estao a fazer??Apenas ponham-se no lugar deles!Como se sentiriam se um grupo de LOUCAS se lembrasse de ameaçar a sua familia e amigos??Que raio de m**** é esta pah? :xComo não sabem o que fazer inventam.Como a vida delas nao vale nada aproveitam-se das dos outros. Divertem-se ao ver os outros sofrer.Fans não são assim. Fans não os magoam. Fans não ameaçam quem lhes é querido. Fans não querem destruir-lhes a vida! Tipo... O_OFogo parem com esta treta!!MORE RESPECT FOR TH AND THEIR FAMILY!!REAL FANS ARE HERE FOR YOU!BE STRONG, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.TOGETHER WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS SH*T! "

We would like, you stalkers stop doing this kind of things, because it hurts. It's an absence of privacy. You gotta know that. "

Quote :

Hoping Being Burried In The Dark Night, 'Til The Morning Light Burn My Eyes.

Another Untitled Poem D:

2009-03-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

"I find you a perfect person, but you are just the one who stole my heart.
I don’t even know why i like you.
I can’t have you. Are you missing me ?
Will you forgive me ?
I’m in sacrifice, ‘cuz you don’t care anymore.
I’ll fade, like my dreams did when i realized i couldn’t have you.
All i wanted to say was i love you but i’m so afraid.
How you’re gonna do when you fall ?
Can you learn with your own mistakes?
We have nothing to say each other. It’s better if i leave now. No one has to cry.
You won’t miss me. I’m insignificant. A little bug. It sleeped trought my fingers like water.
I can’t even find my tears. Find them for me.
Fight for me in this battle field.
Trought all this green we are going, with fear of unknowing.
For every step i take, i’m getting closer to the end.
Trought your eyes i'm bleeding,
With your fingers you are feeding,
Nothing in my way, but i'm not breathing.
I don't like you anymore,You are far away now,
I never felt like this before,
Singing my sorrow.
Standing in the first raw cuz i'll never say bye,
I'll tell you what i saw until the fallen sky.
You're My Heroin. A Healthy Drug. "

Another poem untitled D:
I have so many D:
If you know some title to it, please let me know :D
Thank Ya. <3

No One

2009-03-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

1 week to go!
It's do damn good, having the family all together again.
Then, within 1 more week, i'm on Easter holidays.
And then, i'm going to search for my instrument for i start practice.
My friend Mariana found a studio. I'm so excited.
It'll be a good week, i'm going to be 2 days in home. Yay!

"Little voices wispering in my ears,
They got your voice.
Only and Lonely once more,
I found myself lost in the dust of it.
Burning my mind with fire,
Feeding this dark desire.
Over exposed, explored til death,
In the last minute you save.
Killing the ghost that lives in my mind,
Getting lost i find.
Poisoness like the spider,
Your voice come torment me.
I feel like loosing myself
In this loosing game.
I feel i'm no one from nowhere at all."

I don't need to say for who it is. haha
=]

So,

2009-03-11T11:44:00.000-07:00

So, My Toughts were true.
I felt for my Best Friend.
I can't though.
I wrotte him this song :

"Little girl crying in daddy’s shoulders,

Big Girl tearing you up,

All your memories in black folders.

I’m a lost child,

In the middle of this battle field.

Save, Save my life,

Cut, cut it deep.

Let it, let it run.

It means nothing to me.

Little girl don’t cry,

Big girl don’t wake me up.

Tear me up.

It’s all beauty.

We’re all blind,

Blindness is everyone.

I need no love,

You’re filthy.

She made it deep.

She cut her feet.

She’d sell her soul to devil just to see you.

She’d sell her soul to devil just to have you.

Little girl wouldn’t swore,

Big girl isn’t a whore.

Living in a world apart,

Her suicidal toughts killed her.

She’s not Mary anymore,

Some kind of creepy beeing taught her how to "Love".

She realized

What she felt for him was that feeling.

She felt like die.

She was Mary again.

Walking trought him,

Cuz he wasn’t really there.

He adverted her eyes.

Now Mary fades away, with her toughts

And never looked back.

She never told him her feelings.

Mary wrotte him a note just to say “I Love You.”

When He found her note, she was gone.

Gone without a trace…"

I Love Him To Death.

Britt is my older Sis. And I'm happy for them.

I want to see Him happy, with the person he likes.

Nobody has nothing to do with. =]

Get over it like i did! =]

I'm here for everything he needs. And he knows it. :D

ILOVEYABUNNY :D

Quote:

“life is a battle field, where we have to fight against others to arrive to our destiny, some might loose, some might win, it's our sin.”

Criatura.

2009-03-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hi Everybody! =]

After this stupid week, yes, stupid, i remembered that i have a portuguese poem. I truthly love it. It is called "Creature" and then i'll translate it to english, if i can. =]

"Hoje, vi a criatura mais horrenda de todos os tempos.

Criatura essa, que não come á dias;
Criatura essa, que tem olhar assassino, olhos castanhos claros, cheios de maldição e ódio.
Criatura essa, que mata sem escrúplos, sem regredir por aquilo que fez ; não tem noção da realidade.
Criatura essa, que é veloz como o vento;
Corta-o como uma tesoura de lâminas afiadas corta uma mera folha de papel.
Criatura essa, capaz de ter mais de duzentos anos e continua a apunhalar através do olhar, quem se atreva a olhá-la nos olhos; que continua também a causar impressão através do seu esquelético corpo, por estar esfomeada, sedenta de sangue, de carne fresca todos os dias.

Criatura essa que nunca amou, nem nunca foi amada - nem sequer sabe o que isso é.
Foi treinada para matar: e assim o faz.
Criatura essa, da noite, que teme o sol e receia ser apanhada pelos seus senhores a roubar os alimentos de outrém, e ser morta por tal crime.

Única criatura essa, que não teme a doença, que passeia quando não está presa, corre por campos verdes à noite, uiva desalmadamente como se fosse um lobo nas noites de Lua Cheia.

ó Tu! Criatura temerosa!
ó Tu! Criatura sombria, nesta noite fria!
ó Tu! Criatura sem doença, com pouca crença!
ó Tu! Lobo ruivo, que assombra a noite com o seu uivo!
ó Tu! Criatura veloz como o vento, que dormes ao relento!
ó Tu! Criatura que através do olhar, te pode apunhalar!
ó Tu! Criatura que no teu reino és grande, mas estás é sedenta de Sangue!
ó Tu! Criatura que com o teu ódio, subiste ao pódio!
ó Tu! Criatura da noite, sombria, que dormes nesta noite fria, que apunhalas com o olhar, roubas aos inocentes para teu próprio bem!

ó Tu! Criatura!"

Untitled.

2009-03-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

Take them away

Don't let the tears
Fall with fears.
Let me pray.

Forever in my mind
Tears not faked
I'm not blind
Like automn naked.

I can feel you here,
Live me alone.
I'm afraid of ghosts
They hurt me,
They make me insane.
I'm afraid of you.

I have a crazy obssession.
I need someone who understand that.
Because I'm misunderstood.

Forgive me my babys,
Forgive me for left you down.
I know you will.
I need you to live.
I'm sorry mom,
I'm sorry dad,
I'm sorry lil' sis.
I love you all.

Forever in my mind,
Tears not faked
I'm not blind
Like automn naked.

Take them away,
Don't let the tears
Fall with fears
Let me pray.

Forever in my mind,
Tears not faked
I'm not blind
Like automn naked.

I'm missing you all my lovers.

------------------------------------"-----------------------"---------------------------

I did this song lyric when i camed back from Angola.

I'm missing my parents/sis so much. I'm going to be with them in easter holidays. Yay ! =D

Do you have a suggestion for this song's name? Please let me know. =]

Quote:

*Play Around With Your Hair* True, I Couldn't Live Without You Now You're Here.

Hey!! How Ya Doing ?

2009-03-04T09:42:00.001-08:00

Hey Everybody.

Well, I haven't been on for a while... There was a difficult situation in my... life i guess.
I'm super confused. I don't know what to do anymore...
Maybe I'll have to follow Jade's advice and wait. But, if she doesn't want to wait ?
It's like this :
A couple of weeks ago, i pressed my girlfriend. I was super worried with her, because she was doing drugs. And, obviously, i pressed her to tell me, how she was. She told me, she was going to rehab.
I asked Dave's opinion, and he told me to think about it. To do a list of pros and cons about beeing with her. Or leave her.
And that's what i did. I realized there are more cons than pros. About beeng with her, and more pros about leave her. That made me sad, and put me with many doubts.
Then, i told Dave, and, haha, Jade was reading the converstion. He gave me his opinion. My best friend Anna, was telling me the same, at the same time. LOL.
It looks like they were thinking the same. haha anyways. i took their advice. But...
What if she doesn't want to wait?
I've talked with her. She asked me, directly if i wanted to break.
I want. But I can't.
I Love Her too much. I want to tell what i think. but i can't. i can't.
I feel dumb, useless.
I really don't know what to do.
Have some ideias? Please let me know. =]

Oh, There's something i've been thinking, and founding along the week, haha, a couple of songs that really touch me.

-Without You by Mariah Carey
-In Memorian (Immortal Peace) ; Still Alive ; Lost Soul ; After All, By Negative.
-The Great Disappointment by AFI

. . . I Have been sleeping alot. It's not normal. And i'm always having headaches. haha i did a rime about the headaches. XD
"Stupid headaches,
They're caused by the fakes,
And for those many mistakes"

I was bored. haha

Okay, back to upload poems/songs. :D

Secrets And Dreams

2009-02-20T14:32:00.000-08:00

Can I tell you my secrets?
Can I tell you my dreams?

I wish you could be here
With me, To walk,
Or even just for
Hear your voice.

Can I tell you a Secret?
Can I tell you my dreams?
My secret is know your dreams,
My dream is know your secrets.

I am just pretending
To be happy.
Because i am not.
I wish fly high,over the clouds,
And Take you with me.

Can I tell you my secrets?
Can I tell you my dreams?
My dream is know your secrets,
And my secret is know your dreams.

But do you want?
Or you just want to stay on Earth?
Do you want to go to Mars with me?
Or to Jupiter?

I will go wherever you want.
Just for be someone,
By your side.
It's not a matter of luck,
It's just a matter of time.

Can I tell you my secrets?
Can I tell you my dreams?
My dream is know your secrets,
And my secret is know your dreams.

I will fly with the Butterflys,
With the wings that you broke.
They are healed now.
I will sleep with angels,
And wake up with demons.
I drowned the people with my tears.
I create a River,
Where just you can swim.
Nobody else can,
Just you.

I putted there fishes.
You are my toy now.
I can do whatever I want with you.

Can I tell you my secrets?
Can I tell you my dreams?
My dream is know your secrets,
And my secret is know your dreams.
Dreams ........
Secrets ........

Tell The Stars

2009-02-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

I wish I could tell you
How much I care,
I wish you would dare,
To know me.
There's something you never will.
I wish you could see
How I really am.

Tell you in the stars
My wounds,
My scars.

So real,
So unreal,
Tell me the truth,
What do you see?
Some fake brunette, bitchie ?
Some real fetish, desire?

Tell you in the stars
My wounds,
My scars.

33 is the edge of life,
15 is just the begginning,
I know i'm young,
I know i can wait.
But i'm starting to lose faith.

[ This isn't finished, but i think i won't finish =o what do you think? ]

Lie Collector

2009-02-20T14:27:00.000-08:00

It's just a lie to your collection,
It is my preception.
Disapointed,
Suffering for nothing
I lost my discretion.

I own nothing to nobody,
Keep it to myself,
Wating to somebody
For I trully fall in love.
Some kinda elf,
Full of loyalty.

Your hands shaped my world,
With perfect details
But you destroyed all
with your nails.

It's just a lie to your collection,
It is my preception.
Disapointed,
Suffering for nothing
I lost my discretion.

This isn't the perfect match,
No one has one,
I'll try to catch,
You with my gone.

It's just a lie to your collection,
It is my preception.
Disapointed,
Suffering for nothing
I lost my discretion.

Shape my world, shape my world,
Destroy it, destroy.
I'll be gone without a trace.

I Need Someone

2009-02-20T14:21:00.000-08:00

I need someone,
Someone who listen, understand me.
Someone who hold me, like the persons hold life.
Love me,
Trust, protect and advise for good and for bad.
I need someone who I can refuge myself of my childish fears of ghosts and monsters calling my name in the darknest nights.
Someone who whisper "sleep" in my hears, and i fall asleep like magic.
Suck my life, like vampires suck blood.
Steal your love, and you'll give me fire.
I need somebody who tell truth, like the persons say the lies.
Someone with an angel voice, and scream in silence.
Say words to make me happy when i'm sad, and like magic, a smile show it in my face.
Someone when I think i'm insane, agree with me, and say "i'm insane too, like you"
Support me, when I take a decision.
Scream my name in silence, when i don't want hear it.
Darkness is the light, when you're lonely and you have fears of ghosts and monsters, that come at night.
I'd rather kill myself than suffer like this.
I need someone that kill me, softly, no hurting, while he does that, say " If you show me heaven i will meet you there."
Somebody that knows how i'm feeling, when i'm hurted, and hurts himself, for i don't feel alone in this pain.
Someone that watches explosions in the sky with me,
Somebody who when knows the truth, comes to rescue me.
Someone that wait with me for the love that never dies.
Somebody who promisses his heart when he sings, and then he request for kiss his eyes and lay him to sleep, i'm searching the only guy who asks that.
I need someone just like him.
Just Like You.

[you may think that this is similiar to AFI's songs. yes it is. :)]

The Smile. A Thanks Poem.

2009-02-20T07:33:00.000-08:00

It smiles to me.
It smiles when i'm feeling under,
When my head is out of control.
3 of many faces that he has are,
an innocent child, and old woman, and an angel.
What is that supouse to mean ?
Who are they ?
It smiles and says 'Hi',
It smiles, and never says 'good-Bye'.
Then I say good-Bye.
It wispers, instead of yell, says :'You want to die'
Then i stay toughtless and try to do it.
But then, Someone, Somehow,Stops me.
I Must thank him for that.
It Looks like magic.
When i look at his face, it stops smiling,
And fade, like it was never here.
Then all stays worthwhile again.
Thank you for give me life,When death is the only way out,
Thank you for be there for me,Thank you for do the smile desappear.
Now you own my life.Thank you !

[This one is for my best friends, Davey and Ana. I love them so much, they are my reason to live. :D Thank you both, BUNNY and SIS!]

Quote:
Your Body Is My Dancefloor, And Your Voice Is My Music.

Too Much

2009-02-20T04:25:00.000-08:00

The tears you have cryed
Becamed in diamonds, like you are.
Your value is biggest than anything,
Bigger than my life.

You're too much to her,
You're too much to me,
You're to much for any person who wants you.

If the music you sing could have life,
They would be the happiest things ever.
If your eyes could kill i'm pretty sure
I were dead at this moment.

You're my kitty killer cat.
If I could, I would take your heart,
And never break it.
Is too valious to the person who takes it
Break it.

You're too much to her,
You're too much to me,
You're to much for any person who wants you.

Oh why why ? why is it like this ?

Spread your wings and fly,
Go and stay in the ground,
Go and see the sky
'Til you're not found.

You're my cancer,
At the same time,my cure.
It doesn't have explanation.
I'd rather let my heart win
than go underground with nothing.

Suck my hope,
Like vampires suck blood
When I think you can't surprise me more,
you do it,
without even notice you did it.
It Looks like you manipulate my feelings.

You're too much to her,
You're too much to me,
You're to much for any person who wants you.

Geeting maddly, slowly,
looking at your face, your perfect body,
Listening your voice,
Listening your wispers,
Watching your Fairy hands,
Pretending you are here,
Or i am there,
Are you alone ?
Do you want some company ?
Or do you have some person who is giving the love i should give ?

You're too much to her,
You're too much to me,
You're to much for any person who wants you.

I'm so afraid of death, Are you GOD ?
Can I ask you to save my soul from the Darkness ?
Or are you a soul- hunter and my is just one more of them ?
Am I just a way to you arrive to your desteny ?
I have so many questions to do to you.
Let me hold you, I can't when I can't reach you.
I really never tought you could be so cold.
You can be frozen, but you melt hearts.

Oh, How I love You.

[This is a song xD LOL i writte songs, and poems. if you need song lyrics, let me know, and i'll writte =D]

Oh How I Wish.

2009-02-19T15:29:00.000-08:00

I wish I would look him in the eyes and tell him what i feel,
I wish I could kiss him,
Hold him so tight, and he would never run away from me.
Oh, how I feel lonely.
Why this happened ?
It's because i'm not good enough for you ?
Or just for the simple fact I don't know you, and you don't even know I exist ?
Maybe she's better than me.
Who isn't ?
Oh, how I feel sad,
Can you catch my tears ?
Or they are lies and the thing I feal for you isn't love ?
I wish I could lay my head down, and NEVER wake up again.
Maybe life isn't what i was expecting.
Sometimes I would like to scare him. Like, "someone died, because she loved you so fucking much, and her heart didn't hold it.", and that someone is me.
I wonder how would he react ?!
Would he split in my sepulture ? Or he would never go visit my dead body ?
I know I have nothing to do with his life,
He has the right to be happy with who he choose.
I hope this is just a bad feeling,
Not real thing.
I will revenge this feeling.

Oh, How I love him.

[I had and jealousy attack from my bff's girlfriend in the time that i liked him =o Brittany, i don't hate you though =o i'm happy for both =D]

You Are

2009-02-19T15:12:00.000-08:00

You are the wind in the montains,
You are the mermaid in this sea,
You have the voice that many persons wished to have,
Your heart is a candy,
Your face have the shape of an angel.
You are the angel of the darkness,
The prince of the lightness
You are the savior of the lost souls
You are the Ghost that whisper in my hears, every night
Saying " I'm here, sleep. There's no monsters".
You are the cure for this cancer,
My light in the end of the tunnel.
You are magical, you can do magic, so that's why when you are with me, the pain goes away.
You are the pain that my heart feels when i'm pulled away.
You are the blade when I cut myself.
My candy, when i'm hangry.
My sadness, my tears, when i'm sad.
My hapiness,my smile, when i'm happy.
You are my pill I want to take, when i'm sick,
You are my beautiful lie,
My boy who destroyed the world
My Mr Murder,
My soul, My heart my head, my hands,
My way, My killer look,
My everything.
You Are this killing light.
My love is like winter,
My soul in autumn
My mind in the spring,
And my fire in the summer.
You are my head when i'm confuse,
My sweet blaqk dreams.
My Blaqk rabbit.
My Wild Cat,
My sweet fantasy, my savior,
My November scorpion,
You are my bloody boy,
The hand that hold for i don't fall,
My fire,
You're the shadow that follow me,
My moon at night, my sun light,
The person I wish to hold,
You have the lips i want to kiss,
The body that my hands want to touch,
My yesterday, today and tomorrow,
My breath, the beats of my heart,
My love, my guilty,
You are everything I want to be,
My fallen angel, my star,
You're my death, my life,
You are the glue for My broken heart,
You are the hero of my life,
You are ...
You.

You

2009-02-19T14:59:00.000-08:00

Geeting maddly, slowly,
looking at your face, your perfect body,
Listening your voice,
Listening your wispers,
Watching your Fairy hands,
Pretending you are here,
Or i am there,
Are you alone ?
Do you want some company ? Or do you have some person who is giving the love i should give ?
Nobody deserves this,
It's too cruel!
I'm mad now, and it's all because of you.
Am I gonna die ?
I'm so afraid of death, Are you GOD ?
Can I ask you to save my soul from the Darkness ?
Or are you a soul- hunter and my is just one more of them ?
Am I just a way to you arrive to your desteny ?
I have so many questions to do to you.
Let me hold you, I can't when I can't reach you.
I really never tought you could be so cold.
You can be frozen, but you melt hearts.
I have so many things to ask you, to live with you, can't leave me now.
When I think you can't surprise me more, you do it, without even notice you did it.
It Looks like you manipulate my feelings.
You make my Dreams, My moon at Night, and even my Sun Light. My Lost Princess in this Darkned castle.
You make me do things I never tought do.
Why the tears fall down my eyes for you ? I don't want. Your smile makes me smile, your voice makes my feets get down on Earth, your touch makes me fly.
Why is it like this?
I just want to scream how much I love you, and how much I care.
I never tought I would say this, but
I need you.

[He always make me laugh, even if i am in a extremly bad mood =o

He says i make him laugh to =o haha my Best Friend =D]